I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs. I rarely drink alcohol (we’re talking like 1 – 2 drinks every 3 – 4 months on average; I never acquired the taste of beer). I don’t vape. Most of life’s little bad vices I tend to avoid, mostly because it’s just not for me. Not that I’m purposely holding back, it’s just I have very little interest in many of those vices. I’ve off and on eaten healthy, and at the moment I’m eating healthy again because I’m trying to lose some weight. So I’ve been holding off on eating bad foods lately, denying myself the taste of good (but often unhealthy) food.

I do like my energy drinks though, I love energy drinks. My personal favorite is Monster energy drinks, various flavors. Not that Monster is the strongest of strong energy drinks, they’re actually considered mid-level in terms of level of caffeine and b6 and b12 and the like, there’s definitely stronger drinks out there. I just like the taste. But I know it’s a vice. But ever been told “energy drinks are bad for you, you shouldn’t drink them”? I mean, here I am, not smoking or drinking or doing drugs, etc. and yet my life’s choices about drinking energy drinks are being called into question. lol.

I get it though. But caffeine/b6/b12/etc. have also been known to have radically different effects on different people. Personally, those energy drugs don’t do much for me. I’ve proven my pulse is steady 15 minutes, 30 minutes even an hour after drinking a large monster energy drink and chasing it with a 5 hour energy shot. Pulse still 80 bpm, hands are nice and steady. I’ve even gone to sleep shortly after consuming energy drinks. Caffeine doesn’t keep me awake. But it does keep me focused, helps me with my ADHD. I’m able to get more work done, watch a complete movie, etc. self medication they call it. But maybe if energy drinks don’t affect me like it can affect others, maybe it’s not as bad for me? What is bad for me not being able to focus at work and not getting all my tasks done, that’s bad for my financial future.

Anyways, in honor of my little rant above, I asked ChatGPT to write me a quick short story about a guy who’s taken from life a little too early even though he did everything by the book. So, here you go… (credit to GPT-4 for writing this):

In the middle of the bustling city, where the honks of impatient drivers formed a chaotic symphony, 32-year-old Jeremy found himself facing an ironic twist of fate. Known among his friends as “Health Nut Jeremy,” he had spent the better part of his three decades meticulously avoiding anything that could even remotely shorten his lifespan. No alcohol had ever passed his lips, the smell of cigarette smoke made him cringe, and the concept of drugs was as alien to him as the idea of jumping out of a perfectly good airplane for fun.

He jogged three times a week, rain or shine, consumed vegetables like they were going out of style, and his medicine cabinet was a well-organized pharmacy of vitamins and supplements. Jeremy was the embodiment of health consciousness, a walking, talking public service announcement for clean living.

One sunny afternoon, as Jeremy was crossing the street, his health-conscious world came to an abrupt and dramatic end. A bus, its brakes screeching like a banshee in the throes of despair, barrelled towards him. Time slowed, and as Jeremy stood there, frozen in the headlights of his impending doom, his life didn’t flash before his eyes. Instead, a single thought dominated his mind: “I’ve never even tried tequila.”

As the bus made its ill-fated contact, Jeremy found himself airborne, an unexpected flight without the aid of an airplane. In those fleeting moments, his thoughts raced with a tragicomic tinge. He pondered over the irony of his situation; there he was, the epitome of health and caution, about to be undone not by liver failure or lung cancer, but by a city bus.

“Maybe I should have had that slice of cake at Linda’s birthday last month,” Jeremy mused, almost amused by his sudden craving for the forbidden fruits of life he had denied himself. “Or gone on that Vegas trip with the boys. I could’ve seen Celine Dion… or at least gotten a funny story out of it.”

In the bizarre clarity that often accompanies such surreal moments, Jeremy contemplated the countless nights he had opted for herbal tea while his friends downed shots and shared stories of their reckless escapades. He thought of all the times he had said no, choosing instead the company of his treadmill and the serene glow of his Himalayan salt lamp.

Landing with a thud that felt decidedly final, Jeremy’s journey came to an end. Yet, as bystanders rushed to his aid and the world around him blurred into a cacophony of sounds and urgent voices, a small, wry smile played upon his lips. In the face of the ultimate irony, he found a peculiar comfort. “At least I’ll be a cautionary tale,” he thought. “Live a little, or you might just get hit by a bus.”

And so, Health Nut Jeremy’s legacy was not one of cautionary health advice or the benefits of a kale-rich diet. Instead, it became a tale told among his friends with a mix of sadness and laughter, a reminder to enjoy life’s vices in moderation, because you never know when a bus might have your name on it.

Filed under: Personal - @ 2024-02-14 6:50 pm