Watched today’s daily devotional from Bayside Church, a church I very much love and respect. It’s a big part of the reason I decided to relocate back to California. I appreciate how Cameron says, “Don’t be anxious,” like that is supposed to magically cure whatever is going on in your head and heart.

My beloved wife has tried to use that verse to comfort me whenever I’m stressed or anxious, and I just don’t see how that’ll magically cure all the problems or fix the situation. I appreciate that Cameron went on to the next verse about bringing all things before God, regardless of how big or small. Unlike him, I don’t mind bringing all things before God, even little things. I guess I don’t always do it, but not because of the size of the problem.

Sure, I can pray to God and ask for help with all the things that make me anxious, but that won’t magically make my anxiety or stress go away. At most, it helps a little because I’ve at least asked for help from someone very capable of solving the issues, should they choose to do so. So at least I’m not trying to carry it alone, as the Bible verse mentions. And that helps a little.

But one of my biggest sources of anxiety, or maybe it’s concern, is whether or not God will actually choose to intervene. We’ve all had “unanswered prayers”; there’s even a song about it, thanking God for not answering prayers.

He gets thanked for answering prayers, and he gets thanked for not answering them. Seems like a win-win. But that’s the cynical side of me talking. I can’t see the future or the threads or how everything interconnects, or how changing this action will affect things down the line, so it probably really is a very complex balancing act. It’s way more complicated than any human could ever do, so thank God, God’s not human. But I digress.

So, I’m supposed to pray about some problem or issue and then not worry about it anymore? Consider the problem solved? I love God with all my heart. I don’t doubt he exists, and I don’t doubt his power. Frankly, I’m amazed that he listens to my prayers at all, considering how small I am compared to the grand scheme of things. The fact that he knows my name or listens to my prayers at all is downright incredible. At the scale he operates at, I’m but a blip. But regardless, he does listen. The Bible says he listens, he knows me, he listens to my prayers. He’s even been known to answer a few of them, probably. It’s hard to tell, hard to quantify.

An episode of Futurama really made me consider the nature of God. In this episode, Bender tried to play God for a small society. Whenever he got involved, he made things worse. When he tried not to get involved, things got worse; there were even wars fought in his name. Then Bender encounters “God” in this cartoon, maybe, but what was interesting was when Bender told God that he tried to play God for this small society, and no matter if he got involved or not, things just got worse. God essentially told him something about using a light-handed approach, that if you do things right, people won’t know you’ve done anything at all. That statement really resonated with me because I’ve been struggling with whether or not God has abandoned us.

Don’t get me wrong, if God had abandoned us, I wouldn’t blame him. Look at all the evil mankind has done throughout history, both in his name and just because. Humans have a history of greed and violence and a willingness to do whatever to maintain power and control over one another. God writes these rules in the Bible to help guide mankind to do and be better. I feel the Jewish people had gotten so wrapped up in the letter of the law, they’d forgotten the spirit of the law. They became so focused on following the rules set forth in the Bible, following it to the T, that they didn’t stop and look around them. The whole example of stepping over homeless people on their way to synagogue. So I think God sent Jesus down, whom I believe is a type of avatar, God in human form, a way for Him to interact directly with us instead of having to use intermediaries like angels and whatnot. Jesus pretty much spent years trying to course-correct not only the Jewish people but humans in general. He tried to point out the spirit of the law, the emotional aspect of God, not just the logical aspect. Jesus became representative of God’s love. He spent a lot of time convincing many people that he was the son of God and performing many miracles as proof. And yet, not very long after his death, the majority went back to believing he was just a prophet and not really the son of God. That has to sting, right? I mean, I send my son or avatar, have them perform miracles, and then go through a horrendous death, but hey, at least they got the message through, right? Nope. Humans are the worst. But that’s just one example; human history is filled with examples of things that should make God want to abandon this project he calls human society and earth. So if he eventually did decide to leave us to our own devices, I wouldn’t blame him. I’d be sad, but I’d understand. There’s also the geek in me that believes we’re either part of a simulation (God’s simulation) or maybe in the multiple-universes/parallel-universes theory, and in either case, maybe there’s another simulation or universe in which mankind made better choices, in which we actually chose to listen and follow God, and maybe God is diverting more of his attention there than he is here. But I digress, again.

So back on topic, it’s a huge source of stress and anxiety for me to wonder if God will answer my prayers. Not because I don’t believe he’s there, not because I don’t believe he only responds to the bigger issues, not because I don’t believe he doesn’t hear me, but because I wonder if he actually… cares. Wow, felt horrible to write that. I KNOW he cares about my immortal soul, and to be fair, if a part of me lives for eternity (THINK about how long that is…) and another part of me lives for a measly 60-100 years, which part of me would you focus your attention on? Which part would you want to ensure ends up in the right place? Does it matter that this human body is stressed because his car won’t start one morning or because he’s lagging behind at work and is worried about getting fired, etc., or does it matter more that the spirit, the soul wrapped around this body, something that will last forever, makes it to heaven? So yeah, I’m worried/stressed/anxious that God won’t bother with my prayers just as long as it doesn’t affect where my soul ends up in the long run. It really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things, these little stresses I have to endure, the things I’m anxious about, the problems I’m facing. Just as long as I believe in him (and I do), love him (and I do), work towards being a better Christian (and I’m trying), and work towards my soul making it to heaven (and I am, at least I hope I am). I do trust that he’ll at least answer the prayers that are related to that particular goal. Even if I don’t know which prayers or requests in particular are linked to that goal because I can’t see all the threads and interactions, I think God will at least answer those prayers, but probably do it in such a light-handed way that I won’t even know he did it.

So there’s my conundrum. Sure, I can pray about my problems, but I don’t know which prayers he will or will not choose to answer, what he will and will not act upon. From my (very limited) perspective, it’s like a roll of the dice on which prayers he’ll respond to. And from my (again very limited) perspective, he’ll do it with such a light touch that I could easily dismiss it as luck or as me having solved it on my own. I could easily write it off as God not getting involved, even if he did. The trick, I believe, is to attribute almost anything that seems like good luck or fortune, anything I manage to pull off on my own, as God-assisted. But another trick is not to get discouraged or upset when things don’t go my way, when bad things happen, even if I pray for them not to happen because God absolutely does not answer all prayers.

So how can the Bible verse tell me not to be anxious and to give all things to God? That doesn’t magically make the problems I’m anxious about go away. I’m not even guaranteed that those problems, big or small, will go away. I hate to “go against” the Bible, but I think I’m still going to be anxious even as I pray about my problems and ask God for help. The best I can hope for is a little relief that I’ve at least asked for God’s help, and there’s a non-zero percent chance that he’ll help me with the issue.

Filed under: Religious - @ 2024-08-06 4:31 pm

Tags: anxiety, God